Tuesday, November 25, 2014

Must be night time

So even as our World is in a state of unrest, I still managed to notice that I'm still distracted by several side effects from my increased dose of Cipralex. Quite amazing what an additional 5 mg can do to a 200+ pound man.
Sorry... I'm not awake at 1 am by choice just so I can quietly sit and entertain you, my Legions of followers, by candlelight. No, I was ripped from slumber rather suddenly by some irrational dream/thought that danced along my neural pathway.
What a pain in the ass insomnia can be. Funny, later on today as I'm yawning my fool head off in traffic, she won't come to call. She's a night dweller...
What else am I noticing?
Aahh yes, itchy skin. You name it, I'm scratching it! This is handy for a depressed guy in the event I wish to be on my own. Strangers don't seem to want to hang around the guy scratching his arms, legs, head, armpits, chest, groin...handy really. When I'm chatting with friends that are homeless, it must appear to anyone far off in the distance like we're in a symphony of sorts. Perhaps mimicking young rapper culture talking with our hands and touching ourselves...
Did I mention sudden urges to seek out a toilet? Yeah, that's a good one for a truck driver that has to lift things all day. UGH.
Increased empathy is interesting. I was frightened that I was starting to feel callous towards other humans. I noticed that I had to put on empathy for people by memory some days. No fear now, I nearly cried the other day on the river as a lump of wood floated by.
To me, it seemed as though that that wood was gripped in loneliness, randomness, solitude, isolation and that it was long forgotten and going unnoticed. It would only get worse once it entered the vastness of the Ocean.
But I'm practising positive thinking. Not that wishy-washy feel good, look on the bright side of life even though you've lost a leg kinda crap, but the real, STOP AND NOTICE positive thinking.
For instance, when I was standing for too long in a ridiculously crowded coffee shop behind Vancouver's Top 10 fussiest coffee snobs, I thought "how nice that we can all get out and grab a coffee."
Yeah. That was weird.
I have other things to share that are going on too...but I think my peppermint tea has calmed me so I won't pester you.
Fear not...you'd still recognize me! I'm a work in progress.

1 comment:

  1. Everyone could benefit from adding more positivity to their thought processes. Thank you for the reminder!